Sunrise and Sunset
And all things in between
Light and dark
Cloudy and clear
One after the other
On and on
Without regard
That you are gone
And they should stop
Author: Julia Clevenger
Saved Away
Friendship bracelets and
Christmas ornaments
of your hand print and side-eyed grin
Ceramic trivets and Scout patches
Created or earned with lifetime friends
Curls from your first haircut and
your almost swallowed tooth
Report cards and ribbons
from soccer and swim
Little Golden books and middle school journal
Snapshots and home videos
Dioramas and color penciled maps
And cards; every November and May
I love you momma at 5, 13 and 24
Saved away as sweet memories
Little pieces of you
Treasured as memorials
to prove that you lived.
Time
They’ve all had birthdays now
all but you
All a year older
Except for you
cakes and candles
toasts and jokes
More memories and pictures
But no more for you
Weddings and babies
but not for you
Dreams and wishes
Screams and tears
all for you
Done
Gaping holes and tiny slivers
Get filled with doubt and shame
And fear and anger
Sadness and frustration
The unknown of where you are
and whys are drowning me
in the quicksand of my early nightmares
My greatest fear
Mourning you in him already
Seeing his future in 7 or 8 cans
and the ashes on the sill
The loss of you and
What you gave them
slipping away with
Every sleep
They don’t hear your name
Or Sing your song
It’s gone.
The 10
From where every thing once was
To where everything used to be
The endless gray ribbon
where it all comes to rest in my head
Walking
Walking is good for you
They see it and I know it
But, out there
There are people out there
Moms out there
New ones with their babies
Young ones with their daughters
Grandmas with their new mom daughters
Surprise and love and awe for each other
The self consciousness that neither can see in the other
And worry, always worry.
They are out here
while I walk
Until
The scream chokes in my throat
The cramp squeezes my heart
My knees buckle and
I walk away.
Walking is good for you
Easter in Tucson
Candy and Beer
Bad sleep and alone
Distracted and determined
Moving on without her
Who sings that song?
I love you, you love me?
“Mommy.” He whispered
Growing up
Was it always my goal to give it all away?
What was ever mine really?
Just absorbed the desires, wills, likes,
And dislikes of those I love
I couldn’t make them my own
You can’t steal a passion
You can’t fill yourself up
With other peoples’ shit
Holly
There is nothing of me here
Nothing for me here
But still of my creation
How did it happen
Treehouse above the lonely strange place
Where there is no room for me
Empty of me as is my heart
How could I expect to fill it now
When I have nothing left to give
