No, it will hurt
But it has
Did I waste the
time
the panic sets
In that
I let the
time go by
and now
I’m not that
person with
those thoughts
that pain
that real deep me
is gone
and I can’t bring it
back to put
it all down
the grip on that
part of the brain
shut the rest down
And I missed my
Chance
Tag: daughter
As you want
Years before I needed it
You wrote my prayer
You wrote my plea to god
and in return
He took you from me
Unleashed
Who will we lose
In our
Anger
Rage
Disappointment
Social and personal
Upheaval
Tables turned
Shards unleashed
Heroes from before days
Obsolete after
Every One
Exposed and unfurled
Jealous suspicions confirmed
Given power
To destroy the whole person
For the portion yet formed
Or yet understood
Without opportunity for
Expansion or compassion
Just destroy it all
Cut off the nose
Throw out the baby
Drink the water
Save the face
What will be the lesson learned
When the known enemy
Is manageably tamed
And the evil still
Gets under the skin
When the enemy
Becomes the friend
But the rage simmers
And turns within
You are where you are
You are when you are
You are who you are
Anger coursing
Pointing at the next
Imagined threat
Sacrifice the new next hero
Who will be the other
After the stranger
After the neighbor
The brother?
The mother?
So you turn to gratitude
And blessings
Open arms and mind
To the goodness
Shoring up the beautiful side
Pull it out of the ruins
Dust it off
Shine it up
Shimmer and glitter
Yourself into love
How long can it last
The float of the life well lived
The smoke that hides the mirror
The guaze of beauty
When the evil exists
In equal parts to the rest
Suppressed only by
Infant-like eyes
And hopeful denial
To keep the pretend real
When will fate take its turn
To regain what is its
Hear the rumble
Glimpse the flags
Feel the pull
Taste the gasp
In the quick realization
And wide-eyed terror
That your contentment
Was evil’s ultimate tool
Regrets
The regrets churn in me
The lost time
and distracted moments
The missing of it all
while I lived my life.
She would never say so
But without her
to tell me no
I am convinced.
Wrong
Beauty was the trigger today
some would say she
lives there now
In that beauty
the sunlight on the rocks
and in the sparkle of the water
in the pink of a sunrise
and the red of the sunset
She lives in the light
and I in the shadows
cold and hard and frightening
ready, always now,
for what lurks there.
Village
It takes a village to bury a child, I read
But I haven’t buried mine
She remains, her remains
in the bag that I brought
her home in – in the
trunk of my car
from Tucson
where they killed her
Because the horror of
her being in a purple grocery bag
on my nightstand
does not yet outweigh
the confusion
of burying her
Defenders? Judges? Justice?
Work hard to do your best at a mission you believe in?
No room for the pain?
or all room for their pain?
Know me and where would you go?
Know her and pray it away?
Know him and take pride?
Your purpose, drive, vocation?
Traded for him, her, me?
What can you do?
Change the formula, the process?
Complacent or Compliant?
It’s the only thing we have?
No it’s what we have been left with
After the money is dolled out
for your rent and food and cars and drinks.
Status quo suits you.
Just another day
Laughter in the halls
Just another day
Check it off the list
Just another day
Look the part
work the round brush
to give them the brush
off, on to the next
damage done or undone
to be done or
not yet done
no fault no blame
just another day
Laughter in the hall
after you checked it off
the list and
pushed the button
to the next savior
to save
the next dealer
provider, stealer
of hearts and lives
push the button
just another day
to the top or to
the bottom
Laughter in the halls
Just another day
World Series
We sat right here
before they opened
All together
special guests
because of our(his) patronage
and because everyone
loved him and you two
The Angels in the World Series
and around the table
you two
feeling special
because your daddy was
It was such a great memory
forever engrained
I hope they don’t know that memory
I didn’t know what it could mean
how much more it could mean
now.
Failed Again
Leaving Tucson heartbroken
Open again
Did I do this
Whole year wrong
Did I leave him
Alone for too long
More than he let on
Did I take the easy way out
Did I let her down
again
Just dropping in
Short days at a time
Thinking of me first
Ill-equipped for more
Now there is a local family
What am I supposed to be
To do
Why isn’t she here
My baby girl replaced.
Yellow Hearts and Black Hair Ties 