Yellow Hearts and Black Hair Ties

I can do this
I can eat and breathe
And they won’t know
smile but mourn
laugh but grieve
love but hate
care but judge
enjoy but regress
learn but forget
move but lose
live but die

can’t concentrate
doing it all wrong
are these bad tapes
overburdened over critical
internal messages
or truth,
some truth
I’m bad
sometimes
sift through the thoughts
to what is real
I suck
sometimes
I’m angry
now

dark and quiet
maybe tonight
a few hours
on my own
before they’d know
maybe tonight I
will find the
courage or
lose the will
he would
understand
considering
it’s expected
of course they’d say

breathe
breathe
breathe
calm
love
open

A fog brought on by
Love so fierce
It leaves little
Room for mundane
Of the now other
You life

Pinpoint clear on
Protecting
The new sweet mouth
Soft skin
Filling heart and
Forming brain
Against the monsters
Of your nightmares

As they age
The fog lifts
the other you
Slips in
Cautious and focused
Looking for signs
From the monsters
That allow you
To make the
Selfish retreat

The retreat no longer
Your decision to make
You wait on guard for the
Chance to take their pain
To steal them from
new, stronger monsters
More for you than for them

Joyously left behind
If they are loved and safe
The other you comes
Yet more clear
To be attended to
Importance given back
To the mundane
Cautious relief of a battle complete

But the warning signs remain
Reaction time worn down
By folly or pride

The fog brought back
by loss so fierce
it puts the love to shame

Same team
same team
You and I
agreed
Long ago
Suspended
between
Float and feet
to live
as one

Betrayed
along the way
Each
To the other
Passively
trust eroded
faith disturbed
love undone

The memory of
the team
whispers
almost unheard
over the
reflection in
Mind and Mirror

Our hands tear
at the itch
of the betrayer
Eyes failed
Ears repulsed

While the mouth fills the hole
of our lost deal
Only distaste remains

I know you because you are me
Press your hands in namaste
And hold your neighbors hand in prayer

With cocktails in hand and a glib tongue
you diminish and tsk tsk the becoming of
a fellow beauty with an ease you can’t explain

I know you because you are me
You wave the flag of your captain,
coach, owner claiming liberty
As the right of a free man to speak,
assemble and walk your beach

I know you because you are me
Send a strongly worded letter
hashtag his name
then avoid his neighborhood

Limiting who is man and
Ignoring your rage for rights
when an other is hunted in your streets

Keep your privilege to your kind
Hypocrisy your free man’s right

Carefree and beautiful
Wind wild in the clouds
Swirling light through rain’s drops
Brightening oranges and greens
Brings an unholy rage
from the soles of my feet
Through my wretched gut
And shattered heart
To rest behind my weary eyes

The shell has a blessed life
Filled with privilege and beauty
From the outside the inside shudders
Undeserving and unworthy
Of the shimmer and shine

I see all lost things
discarded jackets
and dropped socks
swamped boats
and used tissues
Escaped pets
and crumpled receipts

I see them all now
hearts and minds
None more precious than the next
because I feel what it means
To be left behind